Angelsong
by Stargold
Summary: The half-angel half-demon Azriel finds herself caught up in the plans of Dumbledore to destroy the Death Eaters, and assembles a crew of elite student hitmen to achieve their goals.
1. Potions Class

I sighed and ruffled my wings as I got up out of bed and looked from side to side. I growled and slammed my hand down on the alarm clock as it went off, and flung my covers off of me and onto the floor. I went into the bathroom and brushed my hair, smiling as I examined my appearance in the mirror. My hair was white with black streaks and black tips. I had two wings on my shoulders- one gray and one mechanical because the jerks at my orphanage had cut it off, somehow, even though my magic was covering it. I had sharp, venomous fangs (from my dad). Right now, my eyes were glowing angel gold, although when I was more demon than angel they glowed demon-blood red. I was also very beautiful.

_"Azriel, you're late for class!"_ A voice rang in my head. It was Lyte, the unicorn spirit that my dad had given me as a spirit guide (as a gift) when I had been accepted into Hogwarts. He had been killed by Voldemort's servant when I was a first year, but my dad had already taken his soul from the body and given him to me because he knew that he was going to die.

_"Be nice, Lyte." _My other spirit guide, Shaede, the dragon, scolded. She had died many years before and served as my dad's faithful servant for a while before she was also given to me as a spirit guide when I was accepted into Hogwarts. A dragon hunter had killed her. I hated dragon hunters because of that, since Shaede was probably the nicest being I'd ever known.

I threw on some clothes and ran out of Gryffindor Tower. I shapeshifted into a unicorn, something that I could do because of Lyte's prescence, and ran through the halls to the dungeon. Holding my wand in my teeth, I barged into potions class and shapeshifted back into my half-angel half-demon form. I sat down at my stool and waited for instructions.

Snape looked at me angrily. "Azriel, do you have a good excuse for being late for class this time?" He asked coldly.

I hissed. "You can't even relate to my problems." I said truthfully. "You don't know what it's like to be born to the demon lord Apollyon and archangel Gabriel. You don't know what it's like to be half one race and half another, and be oppressed by both! You don't know what it's like to be raised by somebody that's not one of your dads and then she has to give you up because the angels hated you for being the result of an affair that your dad had with your other dad! So why don't you shut up and go back up to that board and teach us a bunch of stupid skills that won't do you any good in the real world because Voldemort is real and he's out there and you're a filthy, filthy Death Eater so you don't even care! My dad told me!"

Harry leaped up and cheered. He had always supported me when I told people the truth like this. He knew a lot, too, although I wasn't quite sure how he figured it all out. He was only human after all. Although Lyte and Shaede weren't angels or demons either, even if they'd worked for my dads, they knew a lot. So I really respected Harry and his friends, Ron and Hermione. They were in the same house after all.

_"Harry's pretty hot."_ Lyte noted.

Shaede sent mental vibes of approval. _"He totally is."_ She agreed.

_"Hey, guys, you know that I'm ace when I'm more angel, we can discuss hot guys when I'm more demon and straight."_ I told them.

Shaede was about to make a snarky comment when Snape regained his composure after my lecture. "Five hundred points from Gryffindor for you, Azriel, and two hundred for you, Potter!" He screamed. "To the Headmaster's office, now, both of you!"

"I have so many problems you can't even relate to!" I shouted back as I stomped out of the classroom, Harry following close behind. He looked at me in surprise.

"So, how'd you become a witch since your dads are an angel and demon? Don't wizards and witches need to be human or at least have been human at one point?" He asked.

I nodded, and began to explain. "It's kinda hard to explain." I replied. "But my dad gave me to angel Azrael, the one who protects wizards and witches, and she gave me magic. My dad wanted her to protect me, you see, since rest of the Archangel Council would be pissed if they knew he fell in love with a demon."

He looked at me curiously. "But you still ended up on Earth despite that." He noted.

"Well yeah, the other Archangels found out. They felt the vibes of a Hell Princess- my official title is 'Princess of Heaven and Hell', actually- and threw me down to Earth." I continued. "Then I got put into an orphanage, where they abused me. They cut off my wing and somebody at Diagon Alley sold magitech prosthetic wings, which is what mine is. Works just like a normal wing, except it looks way cooler."

"That's pretty sweet." Harry replied. "You know, it's kinda interesting, I was abused by the Dursleys too, because my parents died. But I mean, your story sounds more tragic. I mean, it wasn't your parents fault they couldn't raise me. Mine openly defied Voldemort. I mean, I love them even if they're dead, but maybe if they just cowered down to him, they wouldn't have died and I could be normal and we could all be a happy family, a normal family. That would be cool."

"Yeah." I agreed. "But let's get to Dumbledore's office before Filch gets to us. I really don't want double detention. You know, I should just smite that idiot with holy fyre for being stupid. He's a squib, he wouldn't be able to do anything about it."

"How do you know too?" Harry said, his jaw agape.

I laughed. "Dad told me." I answered.

"Your dads sound cool." He said as we approached the door to Dumbledoor's office. With a trembling hand, I opened the door and we ascended the staircase where the headmaster was waiting to deliver our punishment.


	2. Dumbledore

I walked into Dumbledore's office with Harry at my side, and gazed up in awe at the variety of moving paintings on the walls. Of course plenty of pictures moved at Hogwarts, but I'd never seen so many like that. It was kinda cool, but I couldn't stare for long, because Dumbledore was staring at us expectantly. The Head of Gryffindor, Professor McGonagall, was sitting next to him, and was also starting at us.

_"Snape must've already told them about you and Harry."_ Lyte noted.

Shaede, however, was staring at Professor McGonagall. _"She's hot."_ The dragon decided.

_"Hey, Shaede, you know I'm gay and Azriel's ace and straight. There's nobody in this body attracted to girls except you, since you're bi, so I don't know what you're expecting us to say."_ The unicorn said.

"Shut up, guys." I murmured to them aloud, too quietly for anybody to hear, as we walked over to the headmaster's desk and sat down. I folded my arms and draped my wings across the chair as the headmaster's eyes bored into our souls. Professor McGonagall had pulled out a pen, clipboard, and some paper. Clearly she was going to write down a transcript of this exchange.

"So, Azriel, Harry, I hear that you two got into trouble with Professor Snape, so he sent you here." Dumbledore said.

"Correct." I responded.

The headmaster clicked his tongue and shook his head. "You two know that you need to behave." Dumbledore said. "Harry, if you get expelled for bad behavior, there is absolutely nothing stopping him from coming and destroying you right then and there, without the protection of Hogwarts, and considering that the Dursleys will use that as an excuse to remove you from the house. And Azriel, as a half-angel, you should know better."

I felt anger flood through me and my eyes shifted to a red color as I became more demon than angel, because anger was a demon emotion rather than an angel emotion. "You seem to be forgetting that my other dad is Apollyon, a demon lord. I'm half-demon too." I spat. "Nobody ever seems to understand that until my eyes go red."

McGonagall moved back, tripping over her chair. Fawkes let out a screech and flew towards Dumbledore, but the powerful wizard signaled for him to return to his perch with a single sweep of his hand. The old wizard pulled out his wand and placed it on the table to show that he wasn't going to hurt us. "Listen, Azriel, I'm not here to punish you. I was the one who made your alarm clock malfunction because I knew that you would educate Snape on the extent of your suffering, causing you to be sent here. You and Harry have something that I need you to do. That's why I have Minerva here, too."

I leaned forwards, suddenly interested. "Do tell."

He let out a sigh and picked up his wand again. "We have an unfortunate situation here in Hogwarts." He began. "The Dark Lord's influence has been felt even here. Even children have been recruited to his ranks. There are some in the school who wish only to betray us. They are spies within our very walls. We need to do something about them, and unfortunately there's not much we _can_ do. Imprisoning them isn't enough- Azkaban has fallen under the sway of the Dark Lord, and the Ministry of Magic has turned a blind eye to it. They are in denial."

"Let me guess, the spy is that asshole Draco Malfroy." Harry spat the name like it was venom.

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "No." He answered. "You see, you two have been picked for a very specific purpose. Azriel, you, as a half-angel half-demon witch, are incredibly powerful. Not to mention, being blessed by both angels and demons, you are nigh-immortal- nothing short of an archangel or demon lord, and maybe not even them, can kill you. And Harry, you are close to the spy in our midst. They believe that you will not betray them."

"Ron Weasley." I said.

Dumbledore shook his head, and I could see a single tear drop from his eye. "No." He answered, letting out a sigh. "Hermione Granger."

Harry and I both gasped. "B-But..." He stammered. "She _can't_ be a Death Eater."

_"It makes sense."_ Shaede noted. _"That explains why she had that death eater tattoo on her arm."_

_"I don't want to know how you know that."_ Lyte mused.

"Shaede says that she's seen the Dark Mark on Hermione's arm." I announced to Dumbledore. Harry and McGonagall looked confused, but dad had told Dumbledore about my spirit guides a long time ago, so he knew what I was talking about. "What's the plan?"

"Glad you asked." Dumbledore replied. "We've built a computer lab, where we're going to have a new class in 'Muggle Technology'. Hermione, being an avid learner despite her loyalty to Lord Voldemort, will take it. Azriel and Harry, you are going to be the co-teachers of the class."

The headmaster slid an AK-47 out onto the desk over which they were conversing. "During your first lesson, you will be teaching them about assault rifles. Azriel, you will hold it, seeing as you've had less experience with the Muggle world than Harry has. You'll then 'accidently' shoot Hermione with it, and we'll pass it off as an 'accident'. Problem solved. It's perfect."

I grabbed the gun and loaded it, but didn't dare test it. I knew that it would make an awfully loud sound, and although I was pretty sure Dumbledore had put spells on his quarters to make sure that no sound escaped, I didn't want to take any chances. I knew how to use one- my dad had taught me how to use one, and he must've told Dumbledore. I was a pretty good shot with it, too.

"Hey, do we get paid for this?" I asked suddenly.

Harry cast me a strange look. "Well, isn't it worth it to try and twart evil, even if that evil is somebody we once called a friend?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I guess. Must be the fact that I'm in my demon aspect right now. Apollyon was always more selfish than Gabriel, must be a demon thing."

Harry shrugged. I glanced at Dumbledore. "So, that's it right? No more to the plan."

"I think we're good." The headmaster answered. "Good luck, my little hitmen."


	3. Death Eater's Demise

I took a deep breath, somewhat nervous, as I carefully fingered the AK-47 in my hands and looked to Harry. Class was going to begin soon, and Hermione was in this class. We'd have to kill her here, now. For good, for Dumbledore, to stop the Death Eater threat at least for a little while. I didn't have any objections to killing, even in my angel aspect as I was now- justice could sometimes involve death after all- but it bothered me that somebody that I had grown up with could betray us all in such a way. How could she betray us all to Voldemort?

Harry looked at me and smiled. "It's okay, Azriel." He said. "I don't like it either, but we've gotta be brave. You're a damn good shot with that. We've got this. We're not gonna let Dumbledore down."

I smiled. "Thanks, Harry."

_"Yeah, you've got this Azriel."_ Shaede chimed in, causing me to smile.

I turned and beat my wings, flying a few feet into the air with an Expo marker. I wrote my name near the top of the board, far out of the way of where Harry would write his. I passed it to my fellow teacher and classmate before walking back behind our desk and slipping the AK-47 underneath it, so that neither Harry nor any of our fellow classmates could accidently cause it to go off. Then, I decided to walk around the classroom, checking all the computers to make sure that they worked. And they did.

The bell rang, and I leaned against the whiteboard next to Harry. Soon, students began walking in. They were quite surprised to see two students in their grade teaching the class. However, none of them questioned it quite yet, and instead took to murmuring about it amongst themselves. I turned to Harry. "So, let me get this straight. Our story is that Death Eaters polymorphed our teacher into a woman and that we, being the most tech-savvy students in the school, are filling in for him. Is that correct?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah." He whispered. Our story was a bit ridiculous, sure, but we couldn't bother to laugh about it. There were more serious matters at hand right now, and it was our job as Dumbledore's hitmen to assassinate the Death Eater.

The bell rang once again and the class quieted, settling into the chairs which the school had provided for them. I cleared my throat and took a step forward as I prepared to address the class. I had never had stage fright- must've come from my angel heritage, seeing as angels had to speak in front of humans quite often. Whatever.

"So," I began, "I'm assuming that you're all wondering why you have a couple of your peers as teachers instead of, you know, an actual professor." I continued before anybody could actually ask the question, wishing to get past this part as quickly as possible. "As many of you continue to deny, the Death Eaters are out there. Voldemort is out there. And they're searching for victims. Unfortunately, our innocent teacher has become one of their victims. A Death Eater polymorphed the technology professor into a woman, and he is currently at St. Mungo's undergoing treatment. So we're your teachers for right now. Any questions?"

The students were too busy processing our story to ask any questions quite yet, and I didn't give them any time to ask anything. I continued just as somebody looked like they were about to raise their hand. "Excellent, excellent. So today's lesson is on perhaps one of the most frightening pieces of Muggle technology- the assault rifle. It is most often used, in the modern day, for war. As such, Muggle soldiers will often use them. They can be easily jammed using a few select spells, however, so using assault rifles against educated wizards is unwise. That, my friends, is why school is important."

I cast a glance around the room, and walked over to the desk. Harry began telling a story that Dumbledore had given us about a war, some story meant to teach gun safety or whatever. How ironic, considering what we were sent here to do. I leaned down and grabbed Dumbledore's AK-47, thinking how ridiculous it was that an angel, even a half-angel, was doing this, and walked back over to the whiteboard where Harry was. I slung the weapon around my shoulder and held it so that I could aim it easily.

"This is what we call an assault rifle." I began to explain, as I began to aim it. "Right now, what I'm doing is aiming it. You see, when aiming an AK-47, you want to have your finger on the trigger. Then, when you want to shoot it, you have to have already prepared it to shoot. I've already done that, and I'm not going to demonstrate again because I don't want to teach you guys how to shoot an assault rifle. Now, to shoot it, you press the trigger-" I made sure that I was aiming for Hermione's head, not that anybody would notice. "-like this. It's not loaded, so-"

A bullet shot out of it, landing neatly in Hermione's head. Of course I knew it was loaded. There was a collective gasp, and I made sure to fake one too. I dropped the gun immmediately, and rushed over to Hermione, to make it seem like it was unintentional. "Oh my god." I said out loud, as I put two fingers against the girl's neck to check for a pulse. "She's dead. I killed her. Oh dear sweet Jesus, I killed her." I faked a sob.

"Azriel, you monster!" Harry called. It was all an act. We'd rehearsed this before that.

I began to cry- crying at will was something that demons could do, to seem more sympathetic. "Somebody get Dumbledore. Oh my god." I said, acting distant on purpose. Then, I passed out- another demon power of mine.

I woke up in the Headmaster's office, with Dumbledore at his chair, Harry by his side. I sighed and got up, pressing a hand against my head. "How long was I out for?" I asked. Although I could faint at will, I hadn't set a time to wake up- I figured I would when it was appropriate, since that was what usually happened.

"Twenty minutes." Harry replied.

"Did I get her?" I asked.

"Yep. Good job, Azriel." Dumbledore praised.

I let out a sigh of relief and sat up on the mattress that I had been placed on. I stumbled over to Harry and Dumbledore- going into a demon trance had that effect sometimes- and looked at the papers on his desk. It was a report from the Ministry of Magic on the incident, and it said that I had been excused- especially since they had spotted the Dark Mark on Hermione's forearm. I grinned as I looked to Harry and Dumbledore. "We did it."

Dumbledore nodded and began to pace. "You did well, kids." He said with a nod. "I think that you would make wonderful hitmen. We could have a mutually beneficial relationship- I can supply you with supplies and contracts, and you can eliminate the Death Eaters. The Wizarding World needs somebody like you two to help them out and get rid of those who would threat both our world and the Muggle world. The Wizarding World needs people who are willing to go far to eliminate the threats of the Death Eaters and Voldemort."

"It would be an honor." I said with a bow. Harry nodded his approval.

_"You have my strength, as of Lyte's, Azriel. And our wisdom. Your dad bound us to you for a reason."_ Shaede began. _"We were sent to serve the Princess of Heaven and Hell for a reason. For some greater purpose that not even we can fathom. And now that that purpose has been made clear, we will wholeheartedly devote ourselves to it."_

I smiled. "So what next?"

"Well," Dumbledore began, "First we need some recruits."


	4. The Vampire

I sat down in one of the cushioned chairs by Dumbledore's desk. "How long do we have before the Ministry of Magic comes to question me?" I asked.

Dumbledore checked his watch. "About... Five minutes." He answered.

"Damn." I said. "That's not nearly enough time to go find some other students who are cool with being hitmen. I suppose we can start, though. Got any idea of who might be into our little Death Eater hunting club?"

"Well," Dumbledore began. "There's one student I know of who would be perfect. She's a dark creature, but she'd never work for Lord Voldemort. And nobody would ever suspect her. She seems too innocent- too stupid, really- to ever do anything. But no, that's not what she's really like. When nobody's around? She's deadly clever. And deadly, well... deadly. She's a great witch, smart, in great physical shape, great at mimicking everything from people's mannerisms to their accents, and she's a vampire. She'll be a wonderful hitman- and she's got a bone to pick with the Death Eaters, too."

"Who is she?" Harry asked.

Suddenly, the door opened and a figure walked in. Her hair was dyed black with hot pink streaks, and she wore silver loopy earrings that were hardly noticable. Black lipstick had been messily applied to her lips, and it was clearly smudged. "What's up motherfuckers?" Luna Lovegood asked cheerfully.

"Her." Dumbledoor answered. He walked over to greet her. "How'd you know we were talking about you?" He asked.

She shrugged. "You sent Azriel back in time about ten minutes with a time-turner to go recruit me as a hitman, since you didn't have enough time to get me otherwise." Suddenly, we could hear a second set of footsteps coming up the stairs. "You might want to do that now, lest she meets herself."

"Oh shit." Dumbledore said, yanking a strange stopwatch-like device from his pocket. He tossed it to me, and I used it as quickly as I could.

I was in an empty headmaster's office- Dumbledore must've been one of the people who had carried me, in my unconscious state, to here. That meant that I had a little bit of time before somebody came in here and caught me. I cast an invisibility spell and made myself incorpreal- a power from my angel heritage- before flying through the walls and into the great hall. From there, I swooped down onto the ground and navigated through the halls to Ravenclaw Tower.

I managed to walk through the door without giving the password- I was rather surprised that my magic allowed me to slip past even the door, but it was supposed to see through wizard magic. Angel magic was a whole different thing entirely. Besides, I wasn't complaining. It was a good thing that my angel powers and demon powers could surpass wizard wards- I'd probably need it if I was gonna be a hitman for Dumbledore.

It was classtime, so the common room was empty, apart from one girl- Luna Lovegood. She was blond and her skin wasn't the deathly pale color of a vampire. Vampires, like angels and demons, used glamour and shapeshifting to hide their true appearance, so that made sense- she had likely chosen to reveal her true self to me after I recruited her.

I landed on the floor of the Ravenclaw common room and slipped out of my incorpreal state. Then, I whisked my wand out of my pocket and murmured the counterspell to the invisibility spell that I had cast. Luna had her nose in a newspaper, so I walked over to her, making as much noise as possible in hopes that she'd hear me coming ahead of time. I knew that being a half-angel half-demon meant that my appearance could frighten some people, so I didn't want to catch her off-guard.

"Luna!" I called as I approached. She put down her newspaper and glanced at me.

"What's up?" She asked.

I paused, glancing at her. "This is kinda... Kinda hard to summarize in a few sentences. But anyways, Dumbledore told me that you're a vampire. We want to... Want to see if you're interested in maybe helping us out with something. We think you might be interested in it."

When I next blinked, Luna had shifted- her hair was now black and pink, and she looked as she had when she arrived in the headmaster's office. "Hmm?" She asked, her voice retaining its dream-like tone that it'd always had. "Dumbledore told me that someday he'd have something in store for me, to get revenge on the Death Eaters. Pray tell, what is it that you ask of me? I'm quite curious about what that old man is planning now."

"Well..." I began to explain, "We're assembling a group of hitmen to dismantle the Death Eaters."

This clearly piqued the young vampire's interest. "Do explain." She continued.

"Soon, you're gonna be hearing that I shot Hermione Granger in the head with an AK-47. That was on orders from Dumbledore. She was a Death Eater spy within the school, so we had to eliminate her." I said. "And Harry... Harry's apart of it, too. We're gonna eliminate the Death Eaters however we need to. _We_ will do what the rest of the Wizarding World will not, take the risks that need to be taken. We will annihalate Voldemort and his group of idiot Death Eaters because nobody else is willing to do it, and somebody's gotta."

"You're quite the inspirational speaker, aren't you?" The vampire noted.

I didn't make any specific comment on that, unsure of whether Luna was insulting me or complimenting me. "Well, what do you say, Luna? Are you in?"

"I sure as hell am." She said, whipping out a pistol from her back pocket and reloading it effortlessly. She held onto it with one hand and whisked her wand out with the other before murmuring a spell to herself. The gun became invisible, and she attached it to a black holster that was nearly invisible against her robe. She patted it confidently and looked to me with a determined nod. "Let's go." She ordered.

We navigated through the castle and arrived at the door to Dumbledore's office. I glanced at her. "You go first, and tell them to hurry it up. I'm gonna be up there since I used a time-turner to go back in time ten minutes, since there wouldn't be enough time otherwise."

Luna winked. "Got it." When I heard her introduce herself, I walked up the spiral staircase to Dumbledore's office and entered into the room just as the light from the time-turner's magic was fading. I had come back just moments after I had went back in time.

"I'm back!" I announced.

Dumbledore nodded. "Good." He opened a wardrobe, and gestured to Luna. "Get inside it. We need to hide you for when the Ministry comes to question Azriel on Hermione's death. They're gonna get suspicious if anybody else is here, especially if they find out you're a vampire."

"On it, chief." She said with a salute, and gladly climbed into the closet.

Harry sat down in one of Dumbledore's chairs, while I returned to the mattress that I had woken up on. Dumbledoor pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket, and attached on end to my right wrist, and another to a small, circular wooden pillar next to the mattress. I looked at him quizically. "They want me to restrain you just in case. I know that's stupid because you can get out of it anyways, but you know, I don't want it to look like we did this on purpose."

I nodded and waited for Ministry representative.


	5. The Death Eater's Daughter

I leaned against the wall, sitting on the mattress to which I was chained, when the door to Dumbledore's office creaked open once again. I sighed and watched as a man walked in, his long blond hair flowing down his back. I would recognize that look anywhere. His son- Draco Malfoy- was the spitting image of him. He, I recognized, was the infamous Lucius Malfoy. But what was he doing here? I knew that he was an avid supporter of the Ministry, but he didn't _work_ for them.

_"Dumbledore's just as surprised as you are."_ Shaede noted.

Dumbledore didn't look surprised, but I trusted Shaede's judgement. She and Lyte were wonderful judges of character- it probably had to do with the fact that they were spirit _guides_. Whatever. I leaned in closer to hear the exchange that Dumbledore and Lucius Malfoy were having. And... Huh? What was that behind him? I could've sworn I saw a golden flash from the stairwell behind him, but it was gone in the time it took me to blink.

_"Remember to act polite."_ Lyte advised. _"Remember, you're trying to get off the hook for murder here. And if you're going to be a hitman, you're going to need to get used to this, Azriel."_

I smiled as he approached, and nodded politely, tucking my wings behind my back. I knew full well that he would try to incriminate me- he hated Dumbledore, and if he was working for the Ministry, they would jump at the chance to get dirt on him, his leadership, his favorite students, anything.

"So you're the one who killed Hermione Granger." He mused, almost to himself- although I knew that he was trying to get me to say something.

_"Dumbledore just contacted us with legilimency."_ Shaede said suddenly. _"He has a cover story for you. Here's the plan- you blame him for trusting a couple of kids with an assault rifle. It's a win-win really- the Ministry gets dirt on him, which he can clean up, and you get off the hook."_

_"Gotcha."_ I replied, mentally of course. Lucius couldn't know about my spirit guides- if nothing else, the Ministry would think me mad.

"So, Azriel." He began. "Tell me what happened."

I nodded good-naturedly. "The day before, Dumbledore notified us that we, as the most tech-savvy students in the school, would be covering for the new technology teacher as he recovered from being polymorphed into a woman." I began. "He wished for us to cover the topic of perhaps the most dangerous Muggle weaponry still used today- the assault rifle. Seeing as I had no training, when I demonstrated, things went terribly wrong- and unfortunately, Hermione was caught in the crossfire. Literally."

Lucius scratched his chin. I felt a strong urge to punch him with my mechanical wing to wipe that smirk right off his face, but I resisted. "Is that all?"

I nodded. He gave me a look and strode across the room back to Dumbledore's desk. I thought he was going to question Harry next, but instead he turned back to the headmaster. They were out of earshot, and unfortunately I couldn't read lips. Apparently Shaede and Lyte were conversing with Dumbledore, however, because Shaede said something once again. _"Dumbledore's gonna take him to interview a few witnesses- your 'students', that is. And Luna says she found another recruit."_

Sure enough, Dumbledore and Lucius left the office right away, and I heard the click of the door as they locked it. I turned incorpreal in order to escape the handcuffs before materializing again. Harry got up out of his chair and looked at me with a sigh. He was about to say something when Luna flung open the wardrobe that she had been hiding in. "Guys, guess who I found!" She sang, before flinging open the other wardrobe door. We gasped.

There, in the wardrobe with Luna, was a blond girl about our age. She was very pretty- so much so that Shaede immediately began raving to Lyte about how hot she was, much to the gay unicorn's disapproval. However, the girl was undoubtably a Malfoy. I had no clue who she was, or why we'd never seen her before. Luna grinnned widely as she introduced her friend.

"Guys, this is Triste Malfoy, Draco's twin sister!" Luna announced. We gasped.

"Hey guys! I'm Draco's twin sister!" Triste said with a grin.

Luna smiled and patted the girl on the back. "You've never seen her before beause her father's a sexist bastard. She's actually the firstborn- Draco was born five minutes after her- but Lucius wanted a male heir to the Malfoy name. So he hid her existance and just has her apparate into hiding places where he goes. But she apparated into the same hiding place as me, and we met, and she wants to join the hitman crew!"

Triste nodded. "Dad's a Death Eater, and he's oppressed me for all these years. I wanna get back at him. I wanna kill his kind. I wanna be a hitman."

I strode forward and held out my hand. "Welcome to the crew, kid."

Luna glanced at us as Triste shook my hand. "So there's three of us now. I think four's the perfect number for our hitman crew- and I know the perfect fourth addition."

I glanced at her and cocked my head. "Who is it?"

"An animagus." She answered.


	6. The Animagus

I whipped out my wand and murmured a spell. There was a bright flash of green right, and in a moment, hyper-realistic clones of Harry and I appeared in the room. They appeared to breath just as any other people. I trusted that Dumbledore would know how to make them appear to talk in our voices if he came back with Lucius before we were back. He was a great wizard- I may be a half-angel half-demon witch, but he was far more skilled in wizardry than I could ever be.

"Okay Luna, who's this animagus?" I asked, turning to the vampire.

She grinned. "Glad you asked." She answered. "His name's Tyrone. A member of Ravenclaw house. Acts like a tough guy, but he's really a sweetheart. Lovely person. Great friend. Totally cool with us vamps and the like, he won't even give you a second glance for being a half-demon half-angel cyborg witch princess."

I nodded appreciately. "Sounds like a great guy." I said as I began to so a complex series of movements with my wand. Within a moment, we were all invisible. I spread my wings over us all, making us all incorpreal as well. "Alright, you lead the way, Vamp."

"Gotcha." Luna answered. She walked to the left, gesturing for us to follow. I was the closest behind her, with Triste and Harry bringing up the rear. We walked down a flight of stairs, and once again walked through the school to Ravenclaw tower. I itched to stretch my wings and fly the entire way there, but I couldn't leave the others behind. After all, we were a team now. Dumbledore's elite hitman team. We had to stick together.

We finally arrived at Ravenclaw Tower once again and walked straight through the door into the common room. A muscular black dude was conveniently standing in the middle of the room, reading the exact same newspaper that Luna had been reading earlier. I dispelled the enchantments hiding ourselves from everybody, and we all took a step towards Tyrone. Luna was the one who walked over to him and pulled the newspaper down from in front of his face. "Tyrone!" She squealed excitedly.

"Vampy!" He called, picking her up and spinning her around midair.

Luna smiled happily. "Hey, B-F-F." She said as he put her down.

The boy let his newspaper fall to the floor as he examined the group of people in the room. Me, the half-angel half demon, Luna in her full vampire form, the Boy Who Lived, and Draco's long-lost twin sister, the real heir to the Malfoy fortune. And, apparently, an animagus who was a close friend to Luna Lovegood.

"Who're you guys?" He asked, glancing at us with confusion.

I held out my hand in a gesture of goodwill. "I'm Azriel, daughter of the demon lord Apollyon and the archangel Gabriel, Princess of Heaven and Hell." I said, and began to gesture to each of us as I said our names. "This is Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, Triste Malfoy, true heir to the Malfoy fortune and twin sister to Draco Malfoy, you know Luna of course. You are Tyrone, yes...?"

He nodded and shook my hand. "Yep. I'm Tyrone Winchester, animagus and former Quidditch player. Nice to meet you guys. What are you doing here?"

I smiled- he seemed interested in our organization. "We," I began, "Are a group of Dumbledore's elite hitmen, dedicated to eliminating the threat of Voldemort and his Death Eaters wherever they can be found. We are assassins- all they see of us are the shadows in the night. We are students, young wizards seeking to find a place in the world that we are learning about. And most of all, we are heroes, championing the cause of a better Earth for tomorrow."

He grinned. "Quite impressive, if I do say so myself." He noted.

I nodded, feeling a bit excited. He seemed to be taking it well, and I'd love to have an animagus on our team. Being able to shapeshift myself, I knew how useful that ability could be. "Are you interested in joining us?" I asked.

"Hell yeah." He answered.

I turned to Harry and high-fived my fellow hitman. "Hell yeah, we got our fifth hitman!" I said. Luna and Triste cheered.

"Well, let's get back to the office then." Harry announced. I recast the spells on us, and we began heading back to where Dumbledore would likely be waiting for us.

_"Can't wait to see what you guys do next."_ Lyte said.


	7. Dang Elves

We walked through the door into Dumbledore's office. He was sitting in the headmaster's chair, and was tapping his fingers on the desk while he waited for us. The illusions that I had cast were gone, so it was clear that he had discovered them and likely used them to trick Lucius Malfoy. As we approached, Dumbledore rose from his chair and applauded. We looked at him with surprise, and I tilted me head, wondering what he was doing.

"I am incredibly proud of you, my young hitmen and women." He said with a nod, as he glanced down at the papers on his desk. "Azriel, Harry, Luna, you went and located two new members of the crew of your own accord. And they were wonderful choices. Triste has incredible inside knowledge of the Death Eaters, and a bone to pick with them as well. Tyrone, on the other hand, is in Ravenclaw for a reason. He's great at transfiguration- he's an animagus after all, and seeing as he's a pug animagus, he can both sneak around and charm Muggles and wizards alike with his sheer adorableness."

I nodded to Dumbledore, and curtsied. "Thank you, headmaster." I replied graciously. "However, I am at a loss as to what to do now. What is our second assignment? Well, first for those who are not Harry or myself, of course."

Dumbledore opened one of the folders on his desk and held up the first paper inside. There was a picture of a strange, thin creature that was eerily familiar. Harry let out a gasp, followed by an audible cry as he realized that Hermione wasn't the only one of his allies to betray him. It wasn't Ron, or Draco, or any of the most likely suspects like one of the Slytherin kids or the child of an actual, documented Death Eater. Oh no.

It was the house elf, Dobby.

"Damn, I knew that house elf was hella shady!" Luna remarked.

Harry cast her a strange glance as he took a few careful, shaky steps forward and carefully held the paper in his hands, scanning over it, desperately hoping that the words written on it weren't true. "No... God no, Dumbledore. No. This is all wrong. It's gotta be all wrong. That asshole Draco must've framed him or something. Dobby would never do this. Dobby's a house elf. An innocent house elf. He's not like this."

I took a step forward myself to place my hand on Harry's shoulder. "Well, Potter, to be fair," I began to explain, "It really makes sense. A lot of sense, actually. Dobby is and was the only house elf at Hogwarts who was actually in favor of Hermione's whole S.P.E.W. thing, and his previous master was Lucius Malfoy, known Death Eater. He must have entered into the service of the Dark Lord while enslaved to the Malfoys, and Hermione must have solidified his alliance with her 'house elf liberation program'. She should've chosen that instead of whatever S.P.E.W. stands for, so her acronym could be H.E.L.P. instead."

Harry looked up at me and wiped tears from his eyes with the sleeve of his robes before glancing at Dumbledore and turning back to look at me again. "You know, Azriel, that makes a whole lot of sense." He sniffled. "It's sad but... I get it. I can justify it. It needs to be done for the sake of students and wizards and house elves everywhere."

Luna whipped her pistol out of its holster and put a fresh clip into it. "Let's go hunt down a motherfucking traitor elf." She said with determination evident in her voice.

Dumbledore turned around and walked to the wardrobe that Luna had been hiding in when Lucius came into the office. He pulled out his wand, and tapped it to the door wordlessly. When he opened it, it wasn't a wardrobe any longer, but an armory. Weapons were hung up on hooks scattered all across the walls, and ammunition was scattered across the floor. There was also a desk with several drawers- one was open and filled with knives and other sharp blades of various sorts. Dumbledore pulled an AK-47 from the wall and tossed it to me. I caught it and glanced it over- it was the same one that I had used to kill Hermione.

"Get in here, kids, and grab something. Dobby's gonna be tougher to kill than Hermione was, and half of you are unarmed." Dumbledore ordered, stepping out of the armory.

Harry was the first one to go into the supply closet. He picked out a machine gun, which had been safety-proofed for student use of course. Triste grabbed a bulletproof vest, which she put underneath her sweatshirt, and a pistol. Tyrone was the last one in, and he chose a pistol as well. However, unlike the other two hitmen, he had also grabbed a switchblade from the knife drawer, after a moment of hesitation.

Dumbledore had put a few more chairs at his desk, and we all sat down in them as he read the file that proved that Dobby was a Death Eater. After a few minutes, he sighed and looked back up at us. "I feel so bad that I _hired_ a Death Eater out of pity."

"Snape." Harry chimed in.

I shook my head. "That's different, Harry." I corrected. "What's the plan, Dumbledore?"

Dumbledore nodded. "So, here's the plan. Tyrone is gonna shapeshift into a pug and start running around the Great Hall." He explained. "Azriel, since you can walk through walls, you're gonna go down to the kitchen and tell Dobby that there's a dog loose in the Great Hall. Luna, you use your shadow powers to hide you, Harry, and Triste. Then, when he comes and deals with the dogs, you shoot him. Then, get the hell out of there."

I stood up and gave Dumbledore a salute. "You, sir," I praised, "Are a genius."

The old man grinned from ear to ear as I recognized his brilliance. He chuckled a bit and gestured towards the door. "Now, come on, you've got a Death Eater to kill, my little hitmen. We need to eliminate Dobby before he does anything to support the Dark Lord."

"C'mon, crew, let's go." I said, gesturing for my fellow hitmen to follow as we walked through the door.


	8. Then It Went South

We arrived in the Grand Hall, which was empty. The other students had just switched classes, which meant that we had plenty of time alone in the Great Hall to carry out our plans. Of course, people would come running once they heard gunshots, but not before. All that meant was that Tyrone couldn't bark too loudly and our aim had to be true. Considering that our guns had been enchanted by Dumbledore himself to be extra-accurate, that probably wasn't going to be very difficult.

Luna leaned against one of the walls, picking at her black nail polish. Harry was busy putting bullets in his machine gun, although I put a finger to my lips to warn him not to test it to see if it worked. We needed to be stealthy about this. Triste was busy making sure that her bulletproof vest was over the right area. I walked over to Tyrone, who was busy checking his pistol to make sure that Luna hadn't damaged it when she accidentally knocked it out of his hands while we were walking down here from Dumbledore's office.

"Hey, dude." I said to him. We high-fived. "You ready bro?"

"Yep." He replied. He leapt off the ground like a dolphin and when he landed, he was an adorable little pug puppy. My heart literally melted.

"Aww, you're so cute as a puppy!" I said.

Lyte seemed to disagree. _"He's a dog. I'm not into animals."_

_"Lyte, you're a unicorn. You may not have a body anymore, but you're a unicorn. Besides, I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it like that since she's ace right now."_ Shaede noted. _"Besides, you're an adult. By your own standards, isn't it pedophilia to call children like Harry 'hot?"_

_"You seem to be forgetting that we're trapped inside the body of a teenage girl."_ Lyte retorted.

_"Fair point."_ Shaede replied.

Tyrone growled at me playfully, and I laughed. I turned back to Luna, Triste, and Harry. They were waiting eagerly for my instructions. "Okay guys." I began. "So Luna, you use your shadow powers- you know, because you're a vampire- to hide you, Triste, and Harry. Harry, Triste, you guys get your guns ready, because we need to shoot Dobby A-sap once he comes out here. Tyrone, you know the plan, Shaede will contact Luna with legilimency when it's time for you to start causing chaos. Got it guys?"

They all nodded. I flashed them a wide smile and cast an invisibility spell on myself so that nobody below would freak out when I flew through the floor. Then, I used my angelic incorpreality powers. I beat my wings until I was a few feet up in the air, then dived through the floor like a dolphin. Before I could even blink, I was in the kitchen, which was full of house elves making food and other such things.

I removed the enchantments that I had cast on myself, and was standing in the middle of the kitchen. "Hey, I'm looking for Dobby!" I yelled.

"Dobby, Dobby, Dobby!" The house elves chanted, almost ritualistically.

In a moment, the house elf had apparated in front of me, and was smiling at me. He took a step forward and looked at me, with his hands neatly folded behind his back. I could see that because he was a house elves and house elves are very short. He grinned at me. "What is you need, my Lady Azriel?" He asked.

"There's a dog upstairs wreaking havoc in the Grand Hall." I replied. Then, to Shaede, I said, _"Quick girl, send the signal to Vampy!"_

On cue, I heard a small dog barking from almost directly above us, and the scamper of itty-bitty claws on the stone floor of the hall. Dobby tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Oh my." The Death Eater said, but I could hear through the concern in his voice. He was trying to act like he was concerned, but I knew he wasn't, because he was a Death Eater. Death Eaters didn't have feelings. "I'll take care of that right away."

He apparated up the Grand Hall. I looked upwards and apparated as well. Before I knew it, I was staring straight at Dobby, who had an evil grin on his face and Tyrone in his arms, in dog form of course. I gasped. How had he managed to capture the animagus so fast?

"Crew!" I ordered. "Attack!"

Luna lifted the shadow spell on herself, Triste, and Harry with a cackle. They all had their guns pointed at the elf. Tyrone managed to escape the house elf's grip and pulled his pistol on the Death Eater as well, after moving back a few steps because of the recoil of course. The house elf looked around at us, but he didn't appear to be surprised. Had we played right into his hands? Suddenly, he reached into the back pocket of his jeans and pulled out an RPG launcher.

"Shit, he must've cast a spell to increase the size of his pockets!" Triste yelled.

Dobby laughed evilly. "Die, you fucking mudblood bastards!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. The elf was insane.

"Hit the deck!" I screamed. Dobby fired the RPG straight towards Luna, Harry, and Triste. I tried to shoot him with my AK-47, but it was pointless. There was no way that my fellow hitmen could ever dodge or survive that shot. I screamed in horror.

But suddenly, there was a bright flash of light and a massive, white-winged, muscular man appeared in the way of the RPG. He pushed it back, and a burst of magic appeared from his right hand, attaching to Tyrone and pulling him back to the other hitmen. The RPG went flying back to where Dobby was, but the house elf saw it coming. He let out a scream and apparated elsewhere, but the impact left a huge crater in the Great Hall. As the light faded from the room, I turned to look at the man who had saved us.

"Dad!" I screamed, and went over to hug the archangel Gabriel.

He turned and smiled at me. "Azriel!" He said, his voice full of joy as he picked me up, hugged me, and spun me around before placing me back on the floor.

"Dad, am I glad to see you!" I exclaimed. "Couldn'tve come at a better time. What're you doing here? Not that I'm not happy to see you." I added hastily.

He smiled. "I just had to save your friends." He explained. "It's a righteous cause that you are fighting for. Throughout human history, Voldemort has caused more deaths than any other being. Stopping him once and for all is a cause worth fighting for, and I believe that your hitman friends are the key to making that happen."

"Aww, thanks dad." I replied.

"Now you might wanna hurry, people are coming to investigate that explosion." He said. Then, there was another flash of light, and he was gone.

I looked back to me friends. "We need to get out of here!" I screamed.

Triste nodded, and raised her wand. In a moment, we had all apparated back into the headmaster's office.

Harry looked at me. "Hey, Azriel, why's your dad black? I thought that angels were supposed to be white, and Gabriel's the angel that seems to be the most famous for appearing in popular culture and all that."

"He's actually black." I explained. "Society's just racist. Well, actually, he just looks black. Just like I look white even though I actually have no race because I'm not human. That's why I don't look half-black. They just didn't want to portray a dark-skinned angel."

"Ah, okay." Harry replied.

I turned and looked at Dumbledore, who was sitting at his desk. "Dumbledore," I said, panting, "We didn't manage to kill Dobby. He had an RPG and almost managed to kill us all. I'm sorry boss, we failed you as hitmen."

The old wizard put a hand on my shoulder. "Young Azriel, Luna, Triste, Tyrone, Harry, that's fine." He began. "Sometimes, you can't always win. I told you Dobby was a dangerous foe. But we will need to eliminate the threat of him eventually. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe you will need to get stronger. But eventually, you will kill the traitorous house elf Death Eater, and the whole Wizarding World will be proud of you once they see that you have rid them of a blemish such as Dobby."

"Well, what now?" Triste asked.

Dumbledore smiled. "Glad you asked."


	9. Into the Armory, Out of the Closet

We looked at Dumbledore curiously as he went back to the wardrobe where the weapons had been stored earlier. I took my AK-47 and held it so that I could easily give it to Dumbledore when he asked for it back. However, when he opened the door to the wardrobe, the beckoned for us to go inside instead of asking for us to give our weapons back. I turned to Vampy, who was standing next to me. She shrugged. I walked over to the wardrobe and climbed inside.

I was followed by the other hitmen. I took it upon myself to clean up the ammunition and shove it into a drawer, since I was immortal and it wouldn't kill me if it exploded. Once that was all cleaned up, we all took a seat on the floor. I looked at Dumbledore curiously. "What're we doing in our armory?" I asked.

He placed a pistol onto a holster hanging from a coat rack. "Well, since things went terribly wrong, we need to give you an alibi." He explained. "And until I come up with a good one, I decided that putting you all in this armory is as good an idea as any. After all, this is magically enchanted so that only one of you hitmen or myself can open it, so the Ministry of Magic can't come in here and discover that I have a bunch of guns, ammo, and knives stashed in the school. That'd look bad."

"And even Ron knows that the Ministry wants to get dirt on you, badly." Harry noted.

Dumbledore nodded. "Even Ron."

"So... Do we just wait here until we come up with a plan?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Yep. That's the plan. Got any ideas?"

"Nope." I answered.

Suddenly, Tyrone accidently elbowed Luna in the ribcage when reaching to close a drawer that had opened. She had a mood swing and immediately turned around, her fangs becoming more prominent as she hissed at him. Everybody jumped and turned to look at the strange scene. Luna and Tyrone were supposed to be close friends, so it made no sense that she would snap at him like that. Unless...

"Luna, are you on your period?" Tyrone asked innocently.

That was apparently Luna's berserk button. "You didn't just go there, motherfucker!" She snapped.

Luna pulled her pistol out of her pocket and Tyrone did the same. Harry grabbed his machine gun and pointed it between them so that they wouldn't shoot each other, since if they decided to shoot the other person, he would be able to shoot the person who shot the gun. Triste decided to pull out her pistol as well, and aimed it at me. Startled, I held up my hands. She then realized her mistake and pointed the gun at Luna. Harry then moved so that he aimed his machine gun at Tyrone, so that they had both of the hitmen covered. I stared at them in shock.

"You just asked me that because I'm a lesbian." She spat. "What do you know about a period?"

"A lot, actually." Tyrone retorted. "I was designated female at birth."

I took a step forward before dropping my own AK-47 to the ground as a sign of goodwill. "Okay, okay." I said. "Now, let's all drop the guns and stop the Mexican standoff and discuss this calmly. Tyrone, why don't you say you're sorry to Luna for offending her? Luna, apologize to Tyrone for pulling a pistol on him. Okay? We can resolve this peacefully."

In unison, everybody dropped their guns.

Dumbledore looked at us with interest, and ran a hand through his beard. He appeared to be formulating a plan. "Alright," He began, "How many of you are both straight and cisgender?"

Nobody raised their hands, including me. I was in my angel aspect so I was ace, not straight.

Harry took a step forward, and took a deep breath. "Uhm... This is really awkward to say, I've never said this to anybody before." He said. "I'm bisexual."

I nodded appreciatively and smiled, knowing that it had to be hard to admit your sexuality. Since I was an angel, nobody was really surprised I was ace, even though there were gay and bisexual and straight angels because angels weren't homophobic and so "all angels are ace" was just a stereotype. "I'm asexual." I said. "And my dragon spirit guide, Shaede, is bi. And my other spirit guide, Lyte the unicorn, is gay."

Triste Malfoy shrugged. "I'm bi." She said.

Dumbledore took a step forward. I couldn't help but admire the silky smooth fabric of his manly wizard robe- I wasn't touching it of course, but demons were able to immediately tell what fabric felt like from sight alone because vanity, greed, and lust were three of the Seven Deadly Sins. _He must be pretty rich to have clothing so nice._ I thought to himself. I reminded myself to ask later about where he had purchased such lovely robes. Not that I was vain or anything.

"I'm gay." The headmaster said. We all gasped.

Tyrone looked around anxiously. "Well, I told you guys, I was designated female at birth." He said. "I'm also a homoromantic pansexual. When I was ten, the norse pagan coven that I was apart of kicked me out for 'making stuff up', because they thought that I was just playing make-believe when I was dead serious. So my mom kicked me onto the streets where I lived for a year until I was eleven and Hogwarts accepted me, since my mom had used a sperm bank and apparently my sperm donor dad was a wizard."

I stretched out my mechanical wing to touch Tyrone on the shoulder. "Sorry bro." I said.

Luna stepped forward next. "Voldemort is my third cousin twice removed." She said. "One day, I was in Diagon Alley kissing and cuddling with my girlfriend. He walked in and saw me with her, so he sicced one of his vampires on me and my girlfriend. They killed her, but only bit me because I was so special. It's kind of a curse, really. So I became a vampire and now I use my dark, shadow, and blood vampire magic to fight Death Eaters with you guys as a loyal hitman of Dumbledore."

"You know what I hate about Voldemort?" Tyrone asked.

Harry shrugged. "He's a genocidal murderer, he wants to kill everyone who doesn't fit his agenda, he's a general, all around bad-guy..."

"That, and he's a racist cishet." Tyrone said, with venom in his voice.

"You know who he sounds like?" I asked.

"Who?" Luna replied.

"Hitler." I answered. Dumbledore laughed.

Triste, Harry, Luna, and Tyrone gave me blank looks. "Who's Hitler?" She asked.

I shook my head. How did they not know who Hitler was? "Just... Nevermind." I said. They shrugged.

Dumbledore cleared his throat to address us once again. "I have a cover story for us!" He exclaimed.

"What?" I asked.

Dumbledore looked very excited. "So, the gay pride parade is happening in San Francisco right now." He explained. "I can give you guys an alibi by apparating us over there, saying that we were having an educational field trip about accepting yourself no matter your gender identity or sexual orientation. Therefore, you have an excuse for missing class, an alibi since you'll be halfway across the world, and we can pretend that you hitmen are actually just the friendly neighborhood Hogwarts G.S.A."

The other hitmen nodded eagerly. I tilted my head and looked at him curiously. "One problem." I said.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"G.S.A. stands for Gay-Straight Alliance." I pointed out. "And none of us here are straight."

"Can't you just go into your demon aspect so you're our straight token minority?" Harry asked.

I shook my head. "It doesn't work like that, I can't just willingly swap aspects." I said.

Dumbledore looked at me and shrugged. "Well, got any better ideas?"

"We can call ourselves the M.O.G.A.I. Club." I suggested.

Luna looked curious. "What does that stand for?" She asked.

"Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignments, and Intersex." I answered.

"Sounds good." Dumbledore says.

"Let's go to that pride parade!" Harry exclaimed.

And we apparated halfway across the world.


	10. Love, Tolerance, Acceptance

When we arrived in San Francisco, we were dressed in very appropriate clothing. I looked down and saw that I was in jeans and tennis shoes. In addition, my shirt was made up of four stripes- black, gray, white, and purple, in that order. In the center was an ace of spades symbol. Below it were graffiti letters that read "Ace and Damn Proud of It". I looked up at Dumbledore to thank him for the excellent choice of clothing.

Triste was wearing a rainbow T-shirt that read "Love, Tolerance, Acceptance" in white block letters. Harry was wearing a rainbow shirt with vertical stripes that had a black heart in the middle, but no text. Tyrone was wearing a fancy fur coat and had a black shirt on underneath it. Luna was wearing a white shirt that said "Thank the Democrats for defeating the Republicans in the last midterm election and passing bills that legalize same-sex marriage". That made me want to give her a high-five. Republicans fell on the chaotic evil side of the alignment scale because they were racist, homophobic, misogynistic jerks that didn't support gay marriage and that was bad. Dumbledore was wearing a tie-die shirt and had magically dyed his white beard green. We looked like muggles and it was awesome.

We were in an abandoned alley. I was amazed at the beauty of it. I peaked outside of the alley and stared in awe as I looked outside at the city. It was glorious, so beautiful. I hoped that we were somewhere in the L.G.B.T. Plus neighborhood. I had been conceived there, when Apollyon and Gabriel had rented out a house there and had me, because they were immortals, and angel and a demon, so they could do that because they weren't human and demons and angels didn't act like humans, they just kinda looked like humans.

Suddenly, I saw a bunch of people in a parade, holding up signs and wearing rainbow shirts. _They must be apart of the Pride Parade!_ I realized.

_"Hey, Lyte."_ Shaede said. _"Your peeps."_

_"Quit being homophobic, Shaede."_ Lyte retorted.

_"I'm not!"_ Shaede protested. _"Don't you wish you were physical so you can celebrate yourself with them? My mom abused me for being bi, remember."_

I turned around and looked at Dumbledore and my fellow hitmen, and looked out into the streets. I felt excited. Even though sometimes I was straight, I was super excited to go and enjoy the non-straight pride parade with other people who weren't straight. Especially because that wasn't the only thing we had in common. We were all hitmen, we had all been wronged by Voldemort in some way, and we were all working together to dismantle his Death Eaters and kill him for that very reason.

"Hey, let's go enjoy the parade!" I exclaimed.

We all exited the alley and began to mingle amongst the spectators. More than once, I had to be careful and make sure that my wings didn't smack any of the Muggles in the face, because that would blow our cover, and make it seem like we were here to break the International Stature of Secrecy rather than have a simple M.O.G.A.I. Club field trip. We were here to try and get an alibi for attempted murder after all. Dumbledore was such a genius.

Suddenly, Luna poked me in the side. She had shapeshifted back into blond human form. She looked so weird without black hair with hot pink streaks in it. "What is it?" I hissed.

She elbowed Harry, Dumbledore, and Tyrone in the ribs too, to get their attention. Triste was already looking at whatever she was trying to point out. However, I couldn't see it. I squinted, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. No dragons, no monsters, no Ministry of Magic officials, no Death Eaters... Oh wait.

There was Pansy Parkinson.

"She's gonna give us away!" Triste exclaimed.

"What do we do?" Harry cried.

I stared ahead with determination as I formulated a plan, trying to figure out what the most logical course of action would be at this point in time. An idea suddenly popped into my head, and I looked around to ensure that nobody would see me if I were to do it. _Shit._ I thought, as I spotted several people wearing the Illuminati logo, armed with sniper rifles, on every rooftop. Either they were providing security for the pride parade, or the United States was way more messed up than the United Kingdom. I decided to go with the latter. America sucked.

"Okay," I hissed under my breath, "Here's the plan. Luna, I need you to go put a water bottle in the middle of the road. Dumbledore, you get on your broomstick and you'll be our eyes in the sky. Take a sniper rifle, too, so you can take out the Illuminati snipers before they realize what we're up to. Triste, you learned dark magic from your dad, so you're with me. Tyrone, turn into a dog and be super cute to make sure that all the Muggles are too busy mooning over how adorable you are to see that we're doing magic. It's perfect."

"Aye-aye, chief." Luna said with a nod.

I gestured for Triste to follow. "Let's go show Pansy Parkinson how much we love, tolerate, and accept her." I spat.


	11. The Statue of Secrecy

I turned around to look at Triste. We were in front of a small building, a pawn shop full of various knick-knacks. It was one of the few buildings without an Illuminati sniper on top of it. I found a foothole in the wiry wood that it was made of, and began to climb it, scaling it carefully until I reached the top. Once there, I panted, and looked over the pride parade that was occuring in the streets below.

"Miss Malfoy, doth thou understand what thy plan is?" I inquired.

"Nay." She replied, shaking her head.

I pointed down the street, where several revelers were carrying a massive stone statue of a woman with tears running down her face. It was beautifully carved, and the sun reflected off of it like the sun reflecting off of a statue. I sighed because it was so beautiful and turned back to Triste. "So, here's the deal. That there stone woman is the International Statue of Secrecy." I explained. "This year, they're gonna break it, to represent L.G.B.T. Plus people coming out of the closet, you see, because the democrats won the House and the Senate so now the Republicans can't block gay marriage. I hate to break such a symbol for them, but we need to."

"Why?" She asked.

"Don't question it." I replied. "I know what I'm doing."

All of a sudden, sniper fire rained down onto the building across from ours. The Illuminati sniper dropped to the ground, dead, just as Triste and I hit the ground. We looked up, confused, and saw Dumbledore on his broomstick, flashing us a smile and a thumbs-up. I whipped a walkie-talkie out of my pocket and pressed the button. "Dumbledore, we got a 10-78 on my three, Statue of Secrecy." I said.

"10-4." He answered.

I grabbed Triste's hand and yanked her close to the edge of a building. Luna was using an invisibility spell in order to sneak into the center of the road to place the water bottle there. I could only see her because demons were masters of deception, and I was half-demon, and demons could see when other people, demons, or angels were lying, hiding, or otherwise doing things that were sneaky. It came in really handy. However, Luna had heard my command over the walkie-talkie and abandoned her job in order to fly up to Triste and I with her vampire powers.

"What's the plan?" Vampy asked.

I stared at the Statue of Secrecy, an expression of determination of my face as I formulated the plan in my head. I help out my wand and pointed it at the statue. "We're gonna need to work together in order to cast a fiendfyre spell to destroy the Statue of Secrecy."

We nodded. I wordlessly cast the dark incantation. The use of dark magic caused me to shift from my angel aspect to my demon aspect, this being visually indicated by the fact that my fiery orbs had shifted to red from gold. It meant that my spell had become much more powerful. Luna and Triste held out their wands, helping me to control the spell. Of course, being an incredibly powerful witch, I could've done it myself, but I wanted them to feel like they were useful too, even though I was the one doing all the work because I was the only one who could.

It exploded and shattered into thousands of tiny pieces. The muggles didn't notice, because Dumbledore had cast a spell that shrouded our magic from their eyes. A large piece of the arm of the statue had come off, and I dispelled the Fiendfyre in time to catch the large piece of stone with my wand and knock it into the crowd so it hit Pansy Parkinson square in the face. With a scream, she died. We looked up at Dumbledore, who flew back towards us and placed his sniper on the roof. I raised my wand to the sky to teleport Harry and Tyrone over to Luna, Triste and I.

"We have an alibi!" I announced triumphantly.

Dumbledore nodded, and we all apparated back to Hogwarts.


	12. Lockdown

We appeared back in Dumbledore's office, and glanced at each other. Tyrone and Triste Found themselves in chairs. Harry and I were standing behind Dumbledore, and we turned to glance at the papers on his desk. Luna was staring out the window, watching for any threats. Before we could start talking to each other, the door to Dumbledore's office was flung open. A figure walked into the room... Lucius Malfoy!

"Dumbledore." The bastard said. "I'm sure you're aware of the house elf that was almost shot to death? And the RPG that detonated in the Grand Hall?"

"I'm afraid not, Mr. Malfoy." Dumbledore responded. "I was just halfway across the world in San Francisco, you see. I took the Hogwarts MOGAI club there to teach them the importance of tolerance and self-acceptance. What happened, exactly?"

"Well, why'd you take them to the pride parade over in San Francisco rather than one that's actually in, you know, the same country?" Malfoy replied.

"Well, you see..." Dumbledore began, but he couldn't think of anything.

"They had really good chocolate." I answered. "Really, really good chocolate. Like yeah."

"Definitely!" Triste chimed in.

Lucius Malfoy turned ghost white upon hearing his daughter speak. "Triste, what the fuck are you doing here outside of your closet? Why are you _consorting with the enemy?_ Your brother Draco is going to herald the arrival of the Dark Lord. Why do you try and undermine our plans like this? Why did you go to San Francisco Pride Parade? You shouldn't know your sexual orientation, I never let you out of the closet, how could you ever see other women and be attracted to them?"

"Well, Dad," Triste replied, "You're an asshole."

_"Triste is such a badass."_ Lyte noted.

_"I thought you were gay."_ Shaede replied.

Lyte sighed internally. _"Look, 'badass' isn't code for 'hot', Shaede. I'd just tell you if I thought she was hot."_

_"Shut the hell up."_ I yelled internally at them.

Lucius Malfoy pulled out an AK-47. I pulled out my AK-47 and Luna pulled out her pistol. Tyrone and Triste also pulled out their pistols while Harry grabbed his machine gun. Dumbledore stepped back, because he was unarmed- he had dropped his sniper rifle while riding on his broom at the gay pride parade.

Lucius Malfoy, realizing that he was heavily outnumbered in the gunfight, waved his gun and apparated down elsewhere in the school. He must have hid his wand in his gun so he could use both magic and shoot bullets from his assault rifle. I put my assault rifle back in its place and looked at my fellow hitmen. "Where in Dumbledore's name did he go?" I asked.

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "He's still in the school." The headmaster answered.

"Well we need to put Hogwarts on lockdown!" I declared. Pushing aside papers on Dumbledore's desk, I clasped my fingers around a red button labeled "lockdown". Emergency sirens began blaring, and all the doors and windows magically locked themselves.

"We need to find that Malfoy!" I declared. "Harry, Tyrone, Triste, you guys go together to try and locate that bastard. Vampy, you're with me."

"Got it, Azriel." Harry chimed in.


	13. Exodus

I spread my wings and apparated into the Grand Hall of the school, with Luna close behind me. I glanced around for any sign of Lucius Malfoy before turning to Vampy once more. "If you were an asshole with a gun like Malfoy hiding from a group of elite hitmen and Dumbledore, where would you be?" I asked Luna. We had to start _somewhere._ And although Luna was a vampire, I was sure that she had some good ideas. She was a dark creature after all.

"Well, the common rooms and dormitories would be a really terrible idea. They probably have very high traffic with all the students- and you know, there are students." Luna answered. "The kitchen below the Grand Hall would probably be a terrible idea, too, because of all the house elves. I'd go to a place that isn't full of people every hour of the day. So probably a hallway or a bathroom. Students are typically there at least a few times a day, but it's better than a common room. Most rooms are here in this school to be used for _some_ reason, after all."

"Don't think you're getting away so easily, monsters!"

Standing at the doorway were... Parvati and Padma Patil! They were wearing Death Eater robes and had the Dark Mark tattooed on their necks. They had become evil just like Hermione and Dobby. How many Death Eaters were hiding in the school as students? How come nobody have noticed the Death Eater robes?

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" I screamed. Both of the twins dropped dead.

Vampy glanced at me. "I thought you needed to be evil to use an Unforgivable Curse, because you have to _mean_ it."

"I'm a demon," I explained. "Demons aren't evil, but Unforgivable Curses are dark magic, which we have domain over." I was still in my demon aspect from the parade, so I didn't switch.

All of a sudden, the roof broke open above us, and Tyrone, in puppy form, fell to the ground. I leapt into the air and caught him while flying. Triste and Harry glanced down at us through the new hole in the ceiling. "Watch out for the area of the floor on our level where Dobby detonated the RPG!" I yelled.

Triste pulled out her wand and cast a spell. She and Harry jumped out of the hole in the ceiling and landed safely on the ground. "What's with the hole?" I asked. "And why is Tyrone a dog?"

"The Square-Cube Law states that if I'm a dog, the fall will hurt less." Tyrone explained.

"We found Lucius Malfoy!" Harry announced triumphantly. "He blasted a hole right where Tyrone was standing, but we found him!"

_"Accio asshole!"_ I yelled. And Malfoy came crashing through the floor, directly in front of us.

I began shooting him with my AK-47. Harry Potter pulled out his machine gun and did the same. Luna, Triste, and Tyrone began circling him with their pistols and shot him many times over. However, the Death Eater was not dying, no matter how many bullets we shot him with. I threw my AK-47 to the ground just as he was pulling out his AK-47 to return fire. I kicked the man to the ground, and with my wings fully outstretched, I began to reach my maximum power.

_"Shaede, lend me your strength! Lyte, you too!"_ I ordered.

I shapeshifted into a roughly equine shape covered in dark black scales with leathery black wings and a twisted dragon horn. I could shapeshift into either a black dragon, using Shaede's power, or a unicorn, using Lyte's power. However, I could also combine their power to shapeshift into a draconic unicorn, in which case I could fly, stomp somebody to death, rip them apart with my teeth, impale them with my unicorn horn, send so much air at them at once that they couldn't breath, strangle them with my tail hair, breathe fire on them, hurt them and then heal their wounds incorrectly to cause an especially painful death, exchange my hooves for draconic claws and tear them with my claws, smash them with my head, smack them with my wings, kick them with my back legs, roll over them and crush them with my immense weight, let them onto my back and then do a barrel roll midair to make them fall off, breathe fire at them while crushing them with my wings, breathe fire at them while trampeling them with my hooves, summon a stampede of angry illusionary unicorns to scare them to death, use my horn in place of a wand and cast an avada kedavra spell, use my horn to perform the cruciatus curse, impale them with my horn and constantly heal the wound to put them in more pain than should be humanly possible (but of course, I'm not human), swap out my dragon wings for my angel/demon wings and my cyborg wing and them crush them with those, or just charge him like a normal person. Even though I wasn't normal.

Weighing my options, I decided to fly above him. Then, I pressed my wings to my scaled hide and allowed myself to dive straight towards him, my hooves pressing into his skin and breaking his bones. A shield of light- created by Lyte's unicorn magic- protected me from the bullets that my fellow hitmen shot towards Lucius Malfoy. I impaled him in the face with my horn, which became covered in blood that slowly dripped from it onto the floor of the Grand Hall. When I was certain that he was dead, I shapeshifting back to my half-angel half-demon form, my eyes red, signaling that I was still in my demon aspect.

"Bloody hell, we just killed the Ministry representative investigating us for suspicious murders. Shit, what do we do now?" I said aloud.

"We need to talk to Dumbledore about our options." Vampy answered.

We all raised our wands and apparated up to Dumbledore's office. He was waiting for us in his chair, glancing at the papers on his desk. "Did you get Malfoy?" He asked. "I heard gunshots."

"Yeah." I answered. "But what do we do now that the Ministry is gonna be after us for killing one of their operatives? It doesn't take geniuses like us to figure out that we did it."

"Don't worry, my dear Azriel and co." Dumbledore answered. "I have a plan. I always have a plan. I am Dumbledore."

And with that, we all apparated outside of the school.


	14. The Band

We saw a large black RV painted with red flames. Pained on one of the black areas in red letters was the word 'Angels By Any Other Name'. There was a small ramp leading up to the driver's seat, where Dumbledore had apparated himself into sitting. We looked in awe at the vehicle, but non of us knew why we were there. Was this the cover story that Dumbledore had promised us? Would an RV painted with really weird patterns be enough to hide us from the Ministry of Magic as they hunted us down for killing Lucius Malfoy?

"So... What's the plan, Dumbledore?" I asked.

He grinned at us. "We're gonna put on a show for the muggles." He answered. "Get in the RV."

We all climbed up the ramp into the RV, and gazed around in awe. Dumbledore stood up to show us around the RV. The first room, the area behind the driver's seat, was carpeted and had several couches on either side of the room, enough to sit three people each, six people total. A table was between the two couches, and a map of Britain, including Wizarding Britain, was pasted to the table. There was a TV mounted to the far wall, and a computer on a desk to the left side of the TV. There were two doors on the left side of the room, one labeled "Bedroom" and the other labeled "Bathroom/Shower".

Dumbledore sat down on one of the couches, and I sat next to him, Harry on my other side. Luna, Tyrone, and Triste sat on the couch opposite us.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and began to speak. "So, my little hitmen," He began, "I'm certain you're all wonder what's going on."

"Affirmative." I replied.

"Well," He continued, "We're going to have to hide from the Wizarding World from a while. The fact is, the Ministry refuses to accept that Voldemort is back, and so those who kill Death Eaters will be punished for killing 'citizens'. Which means we must hide in plain sight. Where no Auror dares tread lest he break the International Stature of Secrecy. Do you know what I'm saying, my little hitmen?"

Harry shook his head- "No." I laughed. Harry had such a thick skull. Like a Republican.

Dumbledore looked at Harry. "You are going to form the Muggle band- 'Angels By Any Other Name'." He answered. "And you will go on tour. And then, when the time is right, you will strike at Voldemort and his Death Eaters and destroy them once in for all."

"Where do we sign up?" I said jokingly, to express my enthusiasm.

Dumbledore conjured a microphone and tossed it to me. "Azriel, you're gonna be the lead singer." He announced. "Malfoy, Lovegood, you guys are on backup vocals. Harry, you're the guitar man. Tyrone, you got the drums."

We nodded.

"I already have a song written up for you guys." Dumbledore continued. "Your debut single. But that's not important right now. What we need to do is defeat the Death Eaters. You guys see this map?"

"Yeah." I answered.

"Right now, we're here." He said. "But we need to get there. So just chill here in the back of our RV and try and figure out what to do. I'm going to drive and I'll tell you when we get to our first tour spot."

"Alright." I said. "Hey, where are our guns?"

"Glad you asked." Dumbledore replied. He pointed to a wardrobe next to the couch where Luna, Tyrone, and Triste were sitting. "I teleported our magical armory to here."

"Awesome," I answered, grabbing my AK-47 and holding it lovingly on my lap. I had retrieved it from the Grand Hall after we killed that asshole Lucius Malfoy.

When the Dumbledore started driving and the RV started moving, I walked over to the refridgerator, which was right next to the computer. I was hungry. However, I gasped in awe as out stepped... Lavander Brown, with a Death Eater robe on and the Dark Mark tattooed on her face!

"Stupid Death Eaters!" I shouted as I shot her in the head with my AK-47. Everybody turned to look at where the sound had come from, but Lavender Brown was already dead. I tapped her corpse with my wand and she disappeared.

"A Death Eater got in our refridgerator." I grumbled as I sat back down on the couch. "Why are they so persistent? They're like the Red Army on the Eastern Front."

"What are you talking about?" Triste asked. "We're witches and wizards, we don't know about any of this stupid Muggle history stuff that you keep bring up. Focus on serious stuff, Azriel."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I answered.

"So, where's our first gig, Dumbledore?" Luna asked.

"Some bar with known Death Eater activity." Dumbledoor answered as he drove. "Imma see if I can shoot myself a couple of idiot Death Eaters while you guys distract them with your awesome movement. I know you guys can do it, Azriel is a great singer."

"Yeah, hopefully we don't get ambushed or anything." I answered. "I remember back in Heaven when I was hiding out with Azrael, my foster mom, and then the archangels all came withoiut a notice and stole me away from her. That was pretty sad. I was only like three years old."

"Man, that's rough girl." Luna answered.

"Thanks for your condolences." I replied. "So, let's start practicing this song..."


	15. The Gig

We pulled up in our RV outside the bar. Harry grabbed the guitar and Triste helped Tyrone bring out the drums, since they were so big. Vampy and I went into the bar with Dumbledore to scope out the place where we would be waiting before we got to sing our song. Dumbledore was going to pretend to be our manager, because it would look weird if an old dude, even a badass like Dumbledore, was on stage performing a song with us.

"So you guys are the 'Angels By Any Other Name'?" The gigmaster asked.

"Sure as hell are." Dumbledore answered.

I nodded. "We're gonna perform our debut single, called 'Angels By Any Other Name'." I replied.

"Yep!" Vampy added.

"Are you lipsyncing it or doing it for real?" The gigmaster asked.

"Well, I'm gonna sing for real, but let's have the recorded studio version playing in the background in case something goes wrong." I answered. Even if we got into a gunfight with Death Eaters, I wanted the crowd to enjoy our music. We were a _very_ good band.

"Gotcha." The gigmaster replied.

Then, Harry, Tyrone, and Triste walked in with our music equipment. That was awesome. I looked at them. "Do you need help getting that up onto the stage?" I asked. "I have a lot of strength as a half-angel half-demon, so I could lift that all for you while you guys go get a smoothie to recover from the feat of moving all this heavy equipment. Too bad that the levitation spell doesn't usually work for large objects unless you're part-angel, part-demon, both, or Dumbledore."

"Yeah, that sucks." Triste agreed.

"I wish we were half-angel half-demon witches like you, Azriel." Harry said wishfully.

I got mad. My eyes, which we gold because I went back into my angel aspect on the road trip over here, turned red, signifying that I had entered into my demon aspect. Negative emotions made me go demon, amongst other things, and Harry made me mad. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH IT SUCKS TO BE CURSED WITH ALL THAT I HAVE BEEN CURSED WITH." I spat. "I HAVE IT WORSE THAN THE STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA."

"You're right, Azriel, I'm sorry." Harry said. "I'll stop acting like a Republican."

"You're better." I spat, but I turned back into my angel aspect. Republicans were so evil, whenever somebody dissed them, that was a good enough action to bring my closer to the angel side of the world. Not that angels were good. If they were good, they wouldn't have been assholes and kicked me out of Heaven.

We got up on stage. Tyrone began beating on the drums and Harry began playing the notes on the guitar. Triste and Luna were behind me with their microphones, getting ready to sing the lines that back-up singers needed to sing. I spread my wings out to increase the effect of the words of the song, and then, I began to sing.

"Yeah, we're angels by any other name

Takin' our sins and our crimes

But ain't got none of the blame."

Luna and Triste echoed the final line before I continued singing.

"Got no rhythm, got no rhyme

Got these wings on my back

No clue what to do with them.

Got my papers neatly put in a stack

Gonna fill my enemies' throats with phlegm."

Then, I noticed some super suspicious-looking people in the back of the bar. They looked like KKK members, except they wore black instead of white. That was what Death Eaters looked like. I made a motion to Dumbledore with my wings while spinning around so as to not look susupicious. I was a great dancer- I would go on a talent show and get famous if it weren't for the fact that because I was a half-angel half-demon, I would reveal the existance of angels and demons to non-magical mortals, which could spell disaster for all my kind and give the Archangel and Archdemon Council a good reason to _team up_, of all things, and kill me. It was a situation that dire. And I'm so strong, being both an Archangel and an Archdemon with the powers of both types, as well as wizard magic and my spirit guides, it would the entire Archangel and Archdemon Council teaming up to kill me. Or maybe allying with Azathoth.

"I ain't a demon

Ain't an angel either."

That was a lie. I'm both.

"My rage ain't steamin'

Ain't quite cooled neither.

I've been many things in this life of mine

Good ain't ever been one of 'em."

I saw Dumbledoor creeping towards the four Death Eaters with a shotgun. I tried to keep them busy watching me by busting out all sorts of epic dance moves. I motioned for Luna and Triste to do the same, and they did. Even Tyrone managed to hold his drumsticks to the sky in a moment, although the drums were a very important part of our song. He was just that much of a badass.

"Got a vampire in my crew

Suckin' away at the blood of my foes

Praise hell she's on my side

Wouldn't that be an unlucky row."

Luna looked uncomfortable as she and Triste sang that line. That caught the attention of the Death Eaters. There was only one vampire in the whole of Great Britain that was a backup vocalist.

"Face it, I'm a badass

Bloody hell, ain't that true

I ain't some silly little lass

Can't you take a clue?

We're an angel by any other other name

But ain't got none of the blame."

And with that, gunfire rang throughout the bar.

I grabbed my AK-47 from my belt and jumped off the stage, using my wings to slow my fall so I didn't fall down and have to pick myself back up again. I rushed over to the Death Eaters and pulled their hoods down. I gasped as I saw their identity. It was Neville Longbottom, his grandmother, and his parents that were supposed to be in St. Mungos because Bellaxtrix Lestrange made them go cuckoo with the cruciatus curse!

"What the hell? Since when the fuck were you guys Death Eaters?" I asked.

"Well, Gran and I were raised Death Eaters." Neville replied.

"But what about your parents? Aren't they supposed to be freaking locked up in a mental ward because _Death Eaters_ screwed with their brains?" I asked.

Neville shrugged. "They've actually been Death Eaters ever since that day when Bellatrix came and showed them the light of the Dark Lord." He answered. "They've been pretending to be insane for ten or twelve or fifteen or whatever amount of years so they could have a good chance to escape and nobody would believe it when they saw them as Death Eaters, so it was a really good move."

I shrugged. "Clever."

"I know, right?" Neville answered. And I shot him in the face with my AK-47.

Luna sucked all the blood out of his poor wrinkled Grandmother. Triste and Tyrone shot his parents in the face. Then they were all dead. There's a reason why we were all recruited to be hitmen. But then I realized... We had a problem. We'd just killed three people dressed like black KKK members for no apparent reason! That was illegal according to Muggle law. How stupid.

"Fuck, we need a cover story!" I screamed.

"What the freak do we need to do, Dumbledore?" Luna asked.

"Get to the RV!" He screched. We ran out of the bar, with Harry and Tyrone levitating the musical equipment with us, andcwe raced into the RV. Then, Dumbledoor used his magical charm button on the RV to turn it invisible, just as the cops showed up and began to try and shoot at us. I used my demon powers to close up the bullet holes in the side of the RV- a lot of times, demons got shot by human cops because a lot of cops are racist and demons like to show up as black people to eliminate racism because demons are actually very nice people- you'd never find a Republican amongst their ranks- so demons had to devlop powers that allowed them to close bullet holes. It had to do with time travel.

Then, Dumbledore began driving away with the invisible RV so that we could eliminate more Death Eaters that supported Voldemort and the asshole Malfoys.


	16. The Grave

We had made our RV visible again, and were casually cruising along the highway at a nice, even speed. We were all sitting around the coffee table, looking over the map of Great Britain. It was pretty awesome.

_"Hey Azriel, do you know where we're going?"_ Lyte asked.

"Hey, where are we going?" I asked.

_"Yeah, I don't recognize this scenery. I mean, I know we have infinite gas because we've got Dumbledore with us, so it's not costing us any money, but I dunno if this is where we're supposed to go."_ Shaede interjected.

"Hey Dumbledore, where are we going?" Vampy asked.

We exited the freeway, and heard Dumbledore answer from the driver's seat. "We're going to the cemetery."

It wasn't long before we had arrived at the cemetery, and we all exited the RV. Vampy, Triste, and Harry were carrying flowers of all shapes and colors, while I was carrying a notebook that Dumbledore had given me for some reason. Tyrone had shapeshifted into a pug, because having a bunch of teenagers and a dog looked less suspicious than just a bunch of teenagers when an RV was involved, especially because it was pretty obvious that we weren't related. Well, closely related anyways- I was completely unrelated from the rest because I'm the kid of Gabriel and Apollyon, but they weren't siblings or anything and that was what I was trying to get at.

"So why'd we go to a cemetery?" Triste asked.

Dumbledore turned his head to look at her, tears silently streaming down his old, wrinkled face with great force. "My sister is buried here."

"Oh." Harry said solemnly. "I'm so sorry dude."

"It's okay man." Dumbledore answered.

"Do you want your notebook back, Dumbledore?" I asked. He nodded, and I gave him his notebook back.

We arrived at a magnificent, grand-looking grave. Inscribed into the stone was the name "Ariana Dumbledore" and the year of her birth and death. Dumbledore fell to his knees, weeping emotionally over the grave of his sister. I felt sad staring at the crying man that had organized such a determined and talented group of hitmen. How could he look so... Vulnerable, like that? It was terrible to behold.

"You'd better watch your back, motherfuckers!" A voice called from behind us.

I lifted myself into the air with my wings, holding my wand in my hands and allowing myself to kick our unknown assailant in the face if I needed to. I didn't want to let her ruin the moment. She was a Death Eater, complete with the Dark Mark and black racist robes. However, her face was covered by her hood.

"Who the hell are you?" I demanded.

She let out a malicious laugh. "I'm not freaking telling you." She answered.

I swooped forward with my wings and kicked her in the face. Her hood came off, and I gasped as I saw the identity of the Death Eater. I couldn't believe it- how had Dumbledore managed to recruit all of these people who acted like upstanding citizens of the Wizarding World?

The Death Eater was Professor Grubbly-Plank.

"Shaede! Assist me!" I screeched. Within moments, I felt the aspect of Shaede fill my body, warping me into a black-scaled dragon. I crushed the former substitute professor with my paw, and sliced her with one of my claws before shapeshifting back into my half-angel half-demon form.

"Why don't the Death Eaters want us here?" Harry asked.

Luna glanced around and sniffed the air. "I smell..." She said, pausing. "A dead body of particular importance to dark creatures and dark magic."

"Let's go find it." I suggested. "Triste, Vampy, you're with me. Harry and Tyrone, guard Dumbledore and his sister's grave."

We split up, with Triste and Luna following me. Luna told me when I was going in the wrong direction to find the corpse. Eventually, we stumbled upon an unmarked crypt. Carefully, we walked into it, glancing around carefully to make sure that there were no more Death Eaters hiding about anywhere to jump out and ambush us. Upon finding the area clear, we continued to walk further into the crypt.

Before long, we discovered a skeleton lying on a square granite table that appeared to almost have a strange countertop of sorts upon it. I looked carefully at the bones, but they had no flesh and were far too old to identify who the person had been in life. Closing my red eyes, I rose up just above the floor with my wings and began moving my hands to use my demonic abilities to ressurect the skeleton. That would tell us who it was. However, the skeleton stayed still. It didn't move at all. I returned to the stone floor, puzzled.

All of a sudden, I saw a shadowy figure in the corner of the crypt, and recognized him instantly. "Dad!" I screamed, running to hug him.

"My dear sweet Azriel." Apollyon cooed, hugging me, picking me up and spinning me around in his arms. "I came to tell you who that corpse was in life, so you may continue your quest to stop the Dark Lord Voldemort.

"Who?" I asked.

"Adolf Hitler." He answered. I gasped.

"Who's that?" Vampy asked.

"Just nevermind." I replied. "He was a muggle who killed a lot of people. Muggle Voldemort, basically."

"Ah, okay." Triste said.

"So why's he here?" I asked. But Dad had vanished. Shrugging, I placed my hands on the skeleton of Hitler, and allowed myself to imagine great warmth coming from my hands. Angelic fire engulfed the body, and within moments, the bone had melted to ash.

"Let's get out of here." I said.

We apparated back to the RV, where Dumbledore, Harry, and Tyrone had already settled in. I sighed and sat down on the couch. "We saw Hitler's skeleton." I announced. "Merely being in the prescence of those bones was depressing."

"Aww, man, I'm sorry Azriel." Dumbledoor said. "Maybe we should go do something more uplifting. I have the perfect idea."


	17. Man

The minds of men are a strange place to wander. It's a funny habit of humankind to consider only the most optomistic of things: facts, scenarios, futures. And these positive things, more often than not, remain the only things at the forefront of a man's mind. And once you dive beyond this, and delve into the depths which man himself does not want to see, only then might you know a person. For in those deep, dark depths of a man's mind is most of his thoughts and everything that makes him a thinking, feeling being: his doubts, his insecurities, his fears, his temptations, and the places he lets his mind wander that he admits not even to himself.

Indeed, in a way, this was where Lyte and Shaede made their homes. Within the depths of Azriel's mind, they were stuck in a strange limbo of sorts. Their world was a pleasant, easy one: there was a space inside of Azriel's head for them, a land of vast fields and mountains and rivers with an eternally starlit sky. And either the unicorn or the dragon, no matter where in their internal world they were, could peer through Azriel's eyes and watch her actions, her life. And indeed, while both Lyte and Shaede had access to each and every personal place that Azriel thought she might have, their own little sanctum was sequestered away in a corner of Azriel's mind that she herself could not reach.

"It's strange, death," Lyte said.

Shaede's eyes stared at him with a strange look, as she closed her wings and pulled them close to her body. "I can agree," She answered. "I recall my own. It was such a beautiful night- such a beautiful last night to live, you know?" There was a moment of silence, and the eternal sky seemed to mourn with them. "But my bones lie in no cemetery, no sepulchre or urn. The humans are strange in that way, so hesitant to simply... Let go."

"And the angels and demons as well," Lyte added. "For they themselves shall not know death. Indeed, the immortal who put us here knows so very little of us, but that we lived and now no longer. And that we are wise. It's strange: for though we have both tasted death- both been murderèd- we are, in a way, outside the cycle. For though we only control it when Azriel relinquishes her hold, and the stars know she so rarely does, we exist in this living, breathing body. And yet we are not confined to it- for our minds can reach out further, and our souls can slip into the real world and wander there, formless and powerless, until we so wish to return. Yet still have we tasted death."

"Death, in a way inevitable yet elusive," Shaede replied. "Do you remember the Times of Dying?"

"We are long-dead, are we not?" Answered Lyte. "Indeed I do, and I wish I did not. The horror, the desperation: I led the dead from the cold winters and hopeless nights to the halls of the dead and the damned."

"How depressing," Shaede noted. "I myself was among the fire and earth and blood. It's strange: fighting for your freedom and fighting for your death. Such is the turning of the wheel."

"It's been long since the wheel turned so swiftly," Lyte said, "But who is in a hurry to return to such a time?"

"You know the actions of man better than any of their own," Said Shaede, "I'm surprised that you can't answer."

"Man is a funny beast," Lyte replied. "Such things he buries within the depths of his mind, where he things no one can hear. Where no one can see. And look what ugly things lurk there. And man never dares admit it, never dares acknowledge it, but he sees it in himself. And the old tales, passed from friend to friend, cousin to cousin, chief to tribe, stick with men in that way. They see those horrible urges, the horrible desires to explore in themselves, and although they lock it a way, there's a bit of a fascination in that."

"And in that way, death is like knowledge," Shaede continued. "Inevitable, ever-present. But who wants to face it? Who wants to stare death in the face and dare to try and understand it? For most who try and those who do, inevitably, are consumed by death themselves. Sooner or later, all shall feel the sweet touch of death. The slow easing, slipping away, the divorce of body and soul. But until then, one shall never understand it. The fear, that slowly slips away and gives way to a feeling of peace. But what lies beyond that veil? Until they cross it, they will never know. But who wants to dare cross it, for fear of what they may find? It is like this with man's most universal thoughts and fears and feelings. The allure is great, yes, but the risk as well. And fear- fear, really, is the strongest motivator of human action."

"Fear," Lyte agreed, "Is behind everything. Behind the both actions of the eldest emperors, and their successors upon their leather thrones. Behind the actions of every farmer and hunter and seamstress alike."

"And in that sense I can't understand humanity," Said Shaede. "Fear is the greatest boundary any human has to cross. Should they conquer that one most primal of emotions, that of fear, one would be invincible. Nothing can touch one who isn't afraid- but there is no one who isn't. Fear of fire and fear of friends are both fear nonetheless. And look at what fear can do when it is taken and forged, used to shape the will and the minds and the actions of people. Look what terrible things it can do. And those who forge fear- how many of them feel it themselves? Without fear, one is often a monster. And with fear, it's oh-so-easy to become one."

"Some would call us monsters," Lyte noted.

"And who are we to disagree?" Shaede answered. "With all our thoughts and ideas, and all that we have seen and known and _will know_, to some, we could be monsters incarnate."

And under the stars that did not exist, and the sky which did not shift or change, the two dead beasts pondered the thoughts and feelings and life of man.

"It's strange," Said Lyte.

"And that it is." Said Shaede.


End file.
